06-30-2001
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Things To Ponder
1. What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
2. Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
3. What's the difference between the Pope and your boss?
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door
is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies!
Tried it once and the seat folded up.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.
Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who takes out the trash
and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen
--- just vending machines.
10. The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work
is that you end up at work.
11. Americans are getting stronger.
Twenty years ago, it took two people
to carry ten dollar's worth of groceries.
Today, a five-year-old can do it.
12. A blonde told her friend,
"I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off,
so I was relieved when he told me
all I needed was blinker fluid."
13. Why is a government worker
like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?
It won't work and you can't fire it.
14. I'm so depressed...
I went to the Dr. today and he refused
to write me a prescription for Viagra.
He said it would be like putting a new flagpole
on a condemned building.
TOP
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy
session with four young mothers and their small
children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed
with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is
money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's
name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is
alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's
name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took
her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on,
Dick, let's go."
TOP
Why do Blondes prefer cars with tilt steering wheels?
More Headroom, of course.
TOP
A Blonde driving down the highway noticed a person in a rowboat in a field to the side of the
road, and realized it was a blonde woman.
The Blonde in the rowboat has oars and is laboriously rowing across the field.
The first Blonde stops the car, jumps out and screams at the woman in the rowboat, "You Stupid
Bitch, you are the kind that gives Blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd come out there
and kick your ass!"
TOP
Sunburned:
Chris returns home from vacation with a severe case of sunburn,
so he goes to see his doctor. After the examination the doctor
prescribes aloe vera lotion and viagra.
Looking a little confused Chris says, "I can understand you
prescribing the aloe vera lotion, but why the Viagra?"
The doctor says, "The Viagra is to keep the sheets off you at
night."
TOP
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/30/01