06-04-1999
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KIDS' INSTRUCTIONS ON LIFE
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
Matthew, Age 12
Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.
Andrew, Age 9
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls
Rocky, Age 9
Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.
Stephanie, Age 8
Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Rosemary, Age 7
Don't flush the john when you dad's in the shower.
Lamar, Age 10
Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your Parents are doing taxes.
Carrol, Age 9
Never bug a pregnant mom.
Nicholas, Age 11
Don't ever be too full for dessert.
Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Heather, Age 16
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Michael, Age 14
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
Joel, Age 12
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
Alyesha, Age 13
Never try to baptize a cat.
Laura, Age 13
Never spit when on a roller coaster.
Scott, Age 11
Never do pranks at a police station.
Sam, Age 10
Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.
Rob, Age 10
Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do.
Hank, Age 12
Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.
Molly, Age 11
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.
Chelsey, Age 7
Stay away from prunes.
Randy, Age 9
Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.
Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake, go for the icing.
Cynthia, Age 8
Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and grandma's house.
Joanne, Age 11
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"Three Indian women are sitting side by side. The first, sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 170 pounds.
The second, sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 130 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus hide, weighs 300 pounds.
What famous theorem does this illustrate?
Naturally, the answer is Pythagorus' Theorum. The son of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides."
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Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
A. They're going to call her Old Spice.
Q. How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital ward?
A. He's the one blowing the foam off of his bed pan.
Q. How do you make a cat drink?
A. Put it in a blender, and strain off the fur.
Q. Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?
A. They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.
Q. What is the first thing a blonde hears in the morning?
A. "See ya."
Q. What is the first thing a brunette hears in the morning?
A. "Sssshh. I have to call my wife."
Q. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
A. The survivors were marooned.
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/9/99