04-21-1999
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In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more
embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So with a coy little smile to the driver she further unzipped the offending skirt for a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!!"
At this the Texan drawled " Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends!"
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Someone asked Paula Jones the other day if her affair with Clinton was as exotic as was the relationship between Clinton and Monica.
She responded, "Close, but no cigar."
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Swingin'
A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over.
"It's only fair to warn you Linda." he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live... eat... sleep... and breathe golf."
"Well..." Linda said, "since you're being honest, so will I. I'm a hooker."
"I see." he said pensively.
Then, he smiled and said.... "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
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Three Blondes
Three Blondes are stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. Instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black
haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the first two. The fairy turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge!
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in the back of a pickup truck. There is a traffic mishap and the truck runs off the road and into a deep lake.
The brunette and the redhead easily swim to safety. The blonde drowns.
Why?
(scroll down)
She could not remember how to get the tailgate open.
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Y2K Solution
We in the Army have defined a lower cost alternative for desktop conversions that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Dec, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches, keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
4. Substantial hardware cost savings.
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 6/9/99