02-24-2001
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch
where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister,
"When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I have bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
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A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby
delivered. Upon their arrival the doctor said he had invented a new
machine that would electro-psychically transfer a portion of the
mother's labor pain to the father via satellite rebroadcast. he
asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very impressed
at his seeming technical know-how and much in favor of trying it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters explaining that
even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever
experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine so he
asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor
then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.The husband was
still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and
pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to
try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged
the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy
baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
However, when they got home, they found the mailman was dead on their front porch.
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A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram. He
fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to send:
"Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow."
The clerk says, "You can add another 'Bow wow' for the same price."
"But," the dog responded, "wouldn't that sound a little silly?"
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Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office, one who had been in town for ten years and the other who had just transferred, answered an emergency call. When they walked into the house, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the livingroom, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.
"No doubt about it," the new deputy said, "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."
"You're right," the experienced deputy replied. "But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say, 'it could have been worse'."
"No way. You're on."
The old sheriff arrived at the scene. "No doubt about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It was a double murder and suicide." After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies in the eyes.
"But, you know," he said, "it could have been worse."
The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, "Sheriff, how could it have been worse? There are three people in this house, and all three of them are dead. It couldn't have been worse."
"Yes, it could," the sheriff retorted. "You see that guy there on the floor?
If he had come home yesterday, that would be me!"
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There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and gives her $20 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not good to walk around without any panties on." The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down. The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest then gives the lady $1 and says, "Take this money and for God's Sakes, buy yourself a razor!"
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There were two old men sitting on a park bench. A blonde woman walks by.
One old man says to the other one, "Ever sleep with a blonde?" The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time." A brunette then walks by. The old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a brunette?" The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time." A redhead walks by, and the old man says to the other, "Ever sleep with a redhead?"
The other old man says, "Not a wink."
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Page maintained by Wesley Moore. Copyright(c) Wesley Moore, 3rd. Created: 4/19/99 Updated: 02 /24 /2001